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What's Maria Sharapova doing? Sharapova's grunts help sea lion give birth at San Diego Zoo U.S. & World News Lawyer sues himself, wins, dies in court Idaho man sells house to pay for gas fill up President Bush floats away; accidentally inflated by bicycle pump US Army puts red condom on Florida Traffic chopper swiped outside 7-Eleven Post Office delivers package from the future North Dakota SWAT team nabs Moonlight in lingerie shop Scientist says Scarlett Johansson causes global warming Harsh Russian sentences handed out in Illinois courts President Bush sets all-time record: Is he juiced? Jennifer Lopez wins Nobel Prize Barry Bonds runs Iraq with an iron fist Dick Cheney shotgun blast misses Angelina Jolie Governor Eliot Spitzer paid $4,300 an hour for golf lessons How I saved the world by negotiating with a squirrel Killer tiger at SF Zoo was wearing running shoes Eight American mice fly secret spy plane into China George Washington's bones unearthed under Toronto museum Lost Mark Twain manuscript found under PortaPotty Federer scandal? Roger Federer fires coach for sleeping with his girlfriend Lifestyle Man has surgery to remove song stuck in head Top 10 rules for stomach fat Local man tells wife she looks fat, and survives! Eating fish while getting pregnant produces smarter offspring Dog explains why he licks himself 78% of statistics can't be trusted, new statistic says Mathematician proves shelf is level, universe is crooked Italian designer fashion: Toilet paper stuck to shoe Pamela Anderson, Obama & The Butterfly Effect 100-year old man has never seen Paris Hilton naked Australian boy fries egg on sidewalk, wins $48 million $250,000 reward for return of missing snowman Sex researchers locate G spot: It`s in Iowa Renegade brides crash wedding, pig out on cake Curvy girls smarter than other gals: New research confirms ChooChoo virus erasing human history: 1964 disappears Smoker runs into burning building to get his fix New bridge has no span: Pedestrians expected to leap river Lebron says: "Greg Oden is my Pop" LeBron James admits Greg Oden is his father Sports Usain Bolt recites Hamlet during record 200m run Javelin stuck in smog cancels Olympics Brett Favre retires from Dolphins, Bucs, Saints Roger Federer's girlfriend does billion dollar deal NBA scout says top draft picks have one very strange thing in common NHL announces new franchise on Mars; as usual, no one cares Kobe Bryant hits 3-pointer to extend NBA Finals to 7th game Tiger Woods leads by 67 strokes; Phil Mickelson has noisy sex with fan NHL runs out of pucks, keeps on playing Yankees sign ambivalent pitcher, thought he was ambidextrous House cat earns spot on U.S. Olympic swimming team Miami Dolphins draft running back born in 1903 Table and chair to compete in Kentucky Derby Lovesick Andy Roddick serves only 12 mph Canadian builds regulation basketball court in snowhouse Maria Sharapova's grunt prevents maritime disaster, saves 348 lives Jason Kapono uses ball racks vs Spurs: 75 points in 60 seconds Bill Belichick hacks into undersea cables Maria Sharapova's grunts help sea lion give birth at zoo Roger Federer fires coach for sleeping with his girlfriend LeBron James admits Greg Oden is his father Tom Brady's ankle now has its own agent Tom Brady's secret injury: QB replaced by actor Miami Heat signs Brazilian frog with amazing hops Dr. Phil offers to inspect Roger Clemens' buttocks Tom Brady's Buttocks Whistle Led Zeppelin Tune Tom Cruise auditions for Houston Rockets Jessica Simpson was undercover spy in Dallas: Patriots fined Beckham axed by Galaxy: Replaced by parrot named Jim-Boy Priest Homes becomes a Rabbi Former Senator Mitchell nailed in baseball's HGH Scandal Tests prove Barry Bonds knows what kind of Spice Girl he is Barack Obama New Yorker cover, revised Obama stands in for Will Smith on I Am Legend movie poster Cat swims in Olympics House cat earns spot on US Olympic swim team Science & Technology Beer and nachos found on moon: Let's par-tay! Naked woman view from space telescope Whoops! NASA carves Maria Sharapova into surface of Mars Google Heart launch makes hearts go pit-a-pat Global Warming bakes potato in Antarctica Hand job CPR greatly increases survival odds American space program buys sex toy Sex causes Earth to hum Hey Jude Atomic woman will never be late for anything, ever again Beckie Bacterium gets headache to avoid sex **VIDEO: Apple becomes a religion: Steve Jobs Hungry scientist eats genome, thinking it's spaghetti Apple becomes a religion: No longer just a cult Microsoft says Vista is more secure than a chastity belt Apple designs car on Moscow subway Google wins FCC auction: Buys all the fresh air in Montana Samsung invents refrigerated online storage Phantom bloggers earn $627,552 in 4 days High traffic blog busted: SyszygyBoyz jailed Yale student creates Thinking Machine that needs diapers Undergrad rigs up Einstein's brain as transmitter FUNNY FLOW CHART: Why did the chicken cross the road? Click on the chart to make it BIG enough to read in your browser... (Click again on the enlargement to make it even BIGGER.) Celebrity Gossip Madonna adopts A-Rod Tom Cruise's personal lighthouse keeper 'goes nuts' Matt Damon hospitalized by Promiscuous Goatee Meryl Streep duped by wax Nicole Kidman George Clooney used call-girl Kristen as motivation Russell Crowe has a black belt in shopping **VIDEO: No sex for Paris Hilton: Takes vow of chastity Jessica Alba showers with no clothes on No sex for Paris Hilton: Takes vow of chastity Dan Rather avoids limelight by dating Paris Hilton Goodwill charity drive to clothe Matthew McConaughey **VIDEO: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Adopt Britney Spears It's official: Angelina and Brad adopt Britney Spears Jerry Seinfeld sustains minor injury as turkey runs amok What's this? Post Office delivers mysterious package from the future Toilet paper on the runway Designers inspired by toilet paper stuck to shoe Bush on steroids? President Bush sets all time record: Is he juiced? Election 2008 LeBron says McCain too short for TallBoy lecterns Barack Obama New Yorker cover, revised Hillary asks Wundurful Wurld for career advice Hillary Clinton: "I was a coal miner's daughter." Barack Obama dreams he was wearing panties Hillary Clinton caught taking bribe from duck Hillary Clinton says dogs should vote Obama elected President on Saturn Hillary Clinton speech mentions porn stars Hillary Clinton campaigns wearing Islamic burkha 4 out of 5 dentists recommend Obama to their patients who chew gum Abraham Abraham Lincoln emerges as dark horse candidate John McCain promises free pizza for all Americans Rudy Giuliani undergoes sex change to take on Hillary Al Gore changes name to Al GORE-TEX� Desperate Hillary asks Obama to marry her after Iowa loss Bill Clinton tried on women's dress in Iowa Matt Damon hospitalized by promiscuous goatee Pig farmer rents goatee to Hollywood players; Damon paid $700,000 to wear it Entertainment Sarah Jessica Parker mistaken for racehorse Big Brown while jogging Deep sea diver rescues man from Sex in the City Hollywood mourns death of Pepe the Strongman Flea Who's Your Caddy? hits Peru like a meteor, narrowly misses bus Brad Pitt gets hangnail: "We're shutting him down." New James Bond is Bertram Phinias Dettweiler JLo maternity dress inspired by Statue of Liberty Hollywood writer's Mom falls victim to strike Bill Gates in Marx Brothers Movie as J. Willy Moneypants Survivor TV show lensing in NYC: Xmas-themed extravaganza VIDEO: Brangelina proud parents again Angelina and Brad adopt Britney Spears Surprise in Hotel Bed Business traveler devastated to learn there is no Mint Fairy Business Young lovers pay $4 billion with MasterCard and Visa Business traveler devastated to learn there is no Mint Fairy Wal-Mart parking lots under air traffic control Martha Stewart kicks Emeril in the crotch Warren Buffett is going to make you rich Rupert Murdoch makes terrible miscalculation Ten Hot stories Site Search 8/21/08 Bolt recites Hamlet during record run WUNDURFULWURLD.COM-- Usain Bolt, known as 'Lightning Bolt' because he has a PhD in advanced physics and has published countless scholarly papers on Benjamin Franklin's experiments with lightning, kites and electricity, shocked the world of track and field by shattering the world record in the 200 meters at the Beijing Olympics while taking time out in the middle of the race to perform Act 3 of Shakespeare's Hamlet for an admiring Chinese crowd. It was truly a bravura performance. Bolt realized he had plenty of time to make the unscheduled pit stop upon reaching the midpoint of his 200 meter run, after he had built up a commanding lead of over 3.5 kilometers on the other sprinters, who were running hard but could not keep the lanky Jamaican in range. Bolt looked down while barreling around the turn, noticed his left shoe was untied, kicked it off, and then the other, and caught them both in his hand. An uneasy rumble passed through the vast audience. He wandered over to a scoreboard, crouched down and filmed a 30 second Reebok television commercial in 147 takes, all the while unconcerned that his competitors, who were still running, might narrow the astounding lead he had amassed.� Bolt then helpfully pointed out a cluster of rogue pigeons fluttering on the roof of the stadium, which is known as the Bird's Nest, and Chinese sharpshooters soon made short work of the pesky flying rodents. After a brief nap, lying on his back in the middle of the track, Bolt arose, reported to onlookers that he felt mightily refreshed, which was surely very bad news for the other runners, who toiled away in his wake, but still had not managed to catch up with him. Then Bolt trotted down the straightaway and crossed the finish line in world record time, as billions of electrified fans swooned in adulation. Ain't it a Wundurful Wurld? +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ If you liked this story, try these: House cat earns spot on U.S. Olympic swimming team Javelin stuck in smog cancels Olympics Kobe Bryant hits 3-pointer to extend NBA Finals to 7th game Link to this post � Labels: Benjamin Franklin, Hamlet, Olympics, Shakespeare, track and field, Usain Bolt, world record 8/13/08 Javelin stuck in smog cancels Olympics WUNDURFULWURLD.COM— The Beijing Olympics ground to a halt today – or perhaps it was tomorrow, depending upon which time zone you are in – as a javelin heaved skyward by the 340-pound hairy-legged American behemoth Teddy P. Armbruster became stuck overhead in a particularly dense patch of smog. This should come as no surprise. Environmental analysis has determined that the so-called ‘air’ at the Olympic Games includes traces of the usual oxygen, as well as factory soot, smoke, asbestos, shards of broken glass, stray announcer verbiage and effluvium, bits of brick and long strands of rogue rice noodles. Observers at the javelin venue gazed upward for six or seven minutes before realizing that the sharp pointy stick that was stuck in midair was not about to come back down, now, or—most likely—ever. Flustered officials clustered on the stadium floor, bravely ignoring the possibility that the javelin might become dislodged by a passing zephyr of breeze and descend directly into one of their skulls, where it would surely do grievous damage, one would surmise. Senior Chinese authorities quickly huddled in a secret location, as is their wont, and emerged looking mightily satisfied with themselves to announce that these Olympic Games would be postponed, at least until the javelin fell back to Earth. Which, so far, it has failed to do. Indeed, swimmers have been stopped in mid-stroke due to the sudden halt in the action, as if caught by an unseen thumb pressing ‘pause’ on a distant DVD player. High jumpers hang, delicately balanced, in mid-air above the bar, waiting to descend. Runners crouch, thighs trembling, in the starting blocks, waiting for the sound of a starting gun that might never come. All because the air in Beijing is solid enough that one clever wag has proposed a new Olympic event, wherein the object is to toss a jagged five-pound hunk of Chinese atmosphere as far as humanly possible. Mathematicians have calculated that if every Chinese citizen—and there are said to be billions of them, with millions more being added daily—were to hurl a hunk of dirty air toward the Pacific, air pollution in the planet's most populous nation would improve just enough that those of us in the rest of the world might not get bronchitis by Tuesday and keel over. Ain’t it a Wundurful Wurld? +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ If you liked this story, try these: House cat earns spot on U.S. Olympic swimming team Global Warming bakes potato in Antarctica Link to this post � Labels: air pollution, Beijing, environment, javelin, Olympics, smog 8/8/08 LeBron says John McCain is too short for TallBoy lecterns WUNDURFULWURLD.COM-- The McCain campaign team was left red-faced this morning with the embarrassing revelation that they have mistakenly ordered TallBoy lecterns for the remainder of the candidate’s appearances in the run-up to the presidential election. TallBoy lecterns are typically used only for special events like the NBA draft, where the average height of the speaker is 6’10’’. LeBron James says Senator McCain is considerably shorter than he is, even on tippy toes. "That little dude has gotta be five-two, tops. He ain't gonna be able to see over the top of the TallBoy while he's speakin'." Conversely, audiences won't be able to see the Senator, either. They will be able to hear his disembodied voice, and that’s all the evidence they’ll have that McCain is on stage. The McCain campaign team, however, has been quick to exploit this faux pas with a plan that is both audacious and ridiculous at the same time, which under normal circumstances is no easy feat. They will be placing unattended TallBoy lecterns in thousands of locations across America, from Poughkeepsie to Wichita to Anchorage, in high school gyms, company cafeterias, shipping docks, dentist’s offices, saunas, zoos, warehouses and whorehouses. Then they will play an audiotape of Senator McCain speaking. To the unwary, it will appear as if John McCain is actually present, even though he will be hundreds of miles away—likely napping, as he has been known to do, even during speeches and debates, although his campaign team insists this practice has nothing whatsoever to do with his advanced age. In an effort to put this matter to bed, McCain appeared before the press to address the TallBoy lectern snafu in a Detroit hotel ballroom this morning. At least, his TallBoy lectern was here, and none of us crackerjack political reporters in attendance could summon the energy to go up to the front of the room to see if he was actually behind it, because we were all too pooped from dancing cheek-to-cheek with each other all morning—after all, it was a ballroom. We heard the vertically-challenged, snowy-haired candidate declare that there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that he will attempt to make himself tall enough to see over the TallBoy lecterns by stuffing a Shrek action figure inside each of his shoes, allowing him to claim truthfully that he is ‘standing on the shoulders of giants’. Ain’t it a Wundurful Wurld? ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ If you liked this article, try these: Barack Obama New Yorker cover, revised President Bush floats away; accidentally inflated by bicycle pump John McCain promises free pizza for all Americans Link to this post � Labels: election, John McCain, LeBron James, politics Older Posts Subscribe to: Posts (Atom) Maria gets spaced out Whoops! NASA carves Maria Sharapova into surface of Mars J-LO takes prize for best booty Jennifer Lopez wins Nobel Prize Global Warming bakes potato Potato bakes on the ground in Antarctica in less time than it takes to say "One potato, two potato" SITE SEARCH Wundurful Wurld Video: Apple Becomes Religion President floats away; accidentally inflated by bicycle pump Bush found floating three feet above the ground, drifting there like a balloon Scarlett melts ice caps Scientist says Scarlett Johannson causes Global Warming Tom Cruise buys world's most expensive dinosaur bone Tom Cruise's personal lighthouse keeper goes on wild spending spree for Spielberg garden gnome party Top 10 rules for stomach fat How to deal with your jelly belly Dog explains why he licks himself A smooth-talking dog named Stanley has decided to risk the disapproval of billions of canines all over the world by discussing frankly and without reservation why he licks himself Wax dummy of Nicole Kidman fools Meryl Streep Embarrassing scene in hip LA restaurant Sex researchers find G Spot in Iowa G-spot located after long scientific probe. It's in Iowa! NASA buys sex toy in Baltimore The American Space Program looked kind of nervous as it perused the racks of rubber, latex, batteries and things, but finally it settled on something resembling a thrusting Saturn V, America’s moon rocket. community Social Bookmarking Readers say Let us know what you think. E-mail the Editor of Wundurful Wurld at HoratioSaltATgmailDOTCOM "Waaaaw!... Ohhh, my gawd!... You've brought a big fat smile to my face... Ultra humorous decadent rag mag blog - I LOVE IT!.. Absolutely first class... Onion-esque... Your site is a riot!.. Peed myself... I thought I had a vivid imagination but yers takes da friggin' cake...Laugh out loud! You're nuts and I love it.... This is hysterical. A must-read for me... You really do have a wicked sense of humor. :-)... I am beginning to love you HORATIO!... Brilliantly clever... Twisted news is where it's at. I love your spin and humor... Very entertaining. Fantastically funny... Thanks for the good laugh!... Very amusing convoluted news stories... Excellent content, wit and insight! ... Hilarious! Very entertaining! ... LOL! ... WONDERFUL!... Fresh and Bold! I love it when I laugh out loud at something that I'm reading... Funny Funny Stuff!! Great writing, extremely amusing, keeping me well entertained!... Satire is the epitome of comedy and you have nailed it! ... It has been the best start for my day :D... Where in the world do you come up with this stuff?!?... Loved it so much I subscribed... Now that's good comedy right there... Incredibly funny!... You're crazy loveable man!... I busted out laughing to the point of crying." 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Murrow Eli Manning Elin Nordegren Eliot Spitzer Emeril Lagasse Fred Astaire Fred Couples Fyodor Dostoyevsky Gary Bettman George Clooney George Mitchell George Washington Gisele Bundchen Greg Oden Gregory Peck Groucho Marx Harrison Ford Hillary Clinton Jack Nicholson James Bond Jason Kapono Jeff Probst Jennifer Lopez Jenny McCarthy Jerry Seinfeld Jessica Alba Jessica Simpson Jim Nantz Jimmy Kimmel JK Rowling John McCain Johnny Damon Johnny Depp Jose Canseco Kate Hudson Kevin Costner Kevin Garnett Kobe Bryant Larry David LeBron James Led Zeppelin Leonardo DiCaprio Lindsay Lohan Madonna Maria Sharapova Marilyn Monroe Mark Twain Martha Stewart Martin Luther King Marvin Gaye Matthew McConaughey Megan Fox Meryl Streep Michael Jordan Michelle Pfeiffer Mirka Vavrinec Nancy Reagan Nicole Kidman Oprah Winfrey Orlando Bloom Pamela Anderson Paris Hilton Pat Riley Phil Mickelson President Bush Rafael Nadal Red Grange Robert Downey Jr Roger Clemens Roger Federer Ronald Reagan Rosie O'Donnell Rudy Giuliani Rupert Murdoch Russell Crowe Sarah Jessica Parker Scarlett Johansson Shia LaBeouf Spice Girls Statue of Liberty Stephen Hawking Steve Jobs Steven Spielberg Ted Williams The Pope Thomas Jefferson Tiger Woods Tim Duncan Tom Brady Tom Cruise Tom Jones Tony Romo Troy Donahue Uma Thurman Victoria Beckham Warren Buffett Wayne Gretzky Will Smith Wolf Blitzer Yao Ming It's Satire Wundurful Wurld is a humorous news satire website. The articles are imagined. They are full of exaggeration and wild flights of fancy. Nothing here should be taken seriously. No sex for Paris Paris Hilton takes vow of chastity; moving to Shaker community � About Wundurful Wurld Wundurful Wurld is written by an award-winning advertising creative director whose ideas have helped Fortune 100 companies launch famous brands in the USA, Canada, China and 16 countries in Europe. You're invited to e-mail him at horatiosaltATgmailDOTCOM Legal Wundurful Wurld is a satirical mock news website published purely for entertainment purposes and without harmful intent. All of the material here is fake. The stories are invented parodies of real news stories. Nothing you see, hear or read on this website should be taken seriously. Wundurful Wurld uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Use of this website constitutes acceptance that all of the material herein contains enough exaggerations and distortions that a hypothetical reasonable reader would know that it is satire and not actual fact. Wundurful Wurld is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. Material on this website is � Copyright 2008 by Wundurful Wurld and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. � Copyright 2008 Wundurful Wurld. All rights reserved.